The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
