Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
