JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
two words: eviction party
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize