walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
