She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
