I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
