forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize