puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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