Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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