he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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