I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
