so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
