Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.

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(360): View more from Washington

I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.

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(619): View more from California

I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix

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(201): View more from New Jersey

But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.

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(330): View more from Ohio

you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"

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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.

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