I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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