you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
