everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
