i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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