I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
