Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
