there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize