I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
