Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm at about main and main street
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
