All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
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