So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
