Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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