I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
