still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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