yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
