she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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