Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
