can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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