youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Houston, we have a blender
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
