lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
