And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
