No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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