so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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