Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
