he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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