did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize