Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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