Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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