I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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