Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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