One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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