they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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