She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
