Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
