I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
