Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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