Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
