Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
