Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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