I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
