If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize