Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
