So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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