maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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