You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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