I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
