I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The adults are the big ones right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
