ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
