Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize