if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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