Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
