And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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