everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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