Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
