Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
