Someone shit on the floor
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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