he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
