He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
