Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
