Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
