Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize