i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
