hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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