she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize