He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Did I show you my penis last night?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
