As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
