Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Life is so much better after having sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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