Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
