is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
