totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
