I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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