thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
