I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
