It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
