All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
love makes seman taste better
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dignity is for republicans.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
