do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
