hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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