I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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