No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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