This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
