He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
