Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
