My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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