The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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