Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
