I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
