Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
