I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My vagina just recognized that song.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
