Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
