remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
