How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
