i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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