if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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