Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
