Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
