i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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