I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
soo... how was my night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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