Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
