im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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