xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Green mimosas i think yes
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
