your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize