If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
