i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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