Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
