yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
