she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
no, he came in my armpit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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