census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
