Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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