I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
tell me about the fingering
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