bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
