just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
