Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
