Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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