new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
