mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
