We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Randomize
