My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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