This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
