Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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